Burlesque:Babes and Booze?
BY Rob Williams
Go-Go- Magazine
December 12, 2002

Is there any better combination, I ask you? Feel how that rollllls off the tongue. What better combination could there be? Peanut butter and jelly? Please, I've already had lunch. Rocky and Bullwinkle? Hmmmm...animated moose and squirrel and don't get me started about the leather hat. Mom and apple pie? Really, if my mom could sh-boom the way she bakes I'd be in therapy.

So say it with me. Babes and booze. I'm not talking about some artificial beer commercial kind of unreality. I'm talking about the real deal. Let's face it, the average It Girl on your block really doesn't have much interest in watching you tent dollar bills at the local strip shop while you down six-dollar long necks and leer at the hoochies on the center stage. But, thanks to some very talented women, you can have the next best thing. A burlesque show. I don't know if you realize it, pilgrim, but this town is chock full of burlesque queens. Denver is home to not one, not two but three, count 'em, THREE burlesque troupes.

And you know what else? They bring OTHER burlesque troupes from around the country here. Imported babes. Imported booze. Are you seeing the connection? (OK sure, once in a while someone imports scotch from Mexico but I think you see my point.) What that means is, you can't swing a dead cat in this town without hitting a burlesque queen, and every couple of months there is a very good chance to catch a burlesque show.

For those of you who don't know, burlesque is not all about the sh-boom and the shimmy and the undulation of glitter-encrusted girl flesh, though its a nice fringe benefit. OK, it's more than nice. Burlesque is sort of a vaudeville variety show--with an erotic twist. Often times it's campy. Sometimes sappy. Sometimes saucy. But it's all designed to entertain. And even YOUR It Girl can get behind that, right? Well, point out to her that Burlesque is back, reaffirming and celebrating womanhood (it's just dressed up in a sexy French maid outfit).

Case in point, the recent Burlesque -XXX(mas) at the Gothic Theatre. On the bill: Playboy covergirl Dita Von Teese (who we interviewed in vol. 4, #18), Catherine D. Lish, Kitten on the Keys, The Kantankerous Lollies, Kelita of the Hot Pink Feathers, plus the local talents of Burlesque As It Was, The Oracle Dance Troupe, newcomers Le Rouge and the girls from Ooh-La-La Burlesque acting as waitresses (in French floozy-wear). Citizen, that's more shake-it than Dean Martin's bartender saw on a weekend bender.

So, what damsel could I corral into this rodeo of womanly wares? I called up a slinky web designer that I knew owned her own set of evening gloves. (After all, one does not attend a burlesque show in a stained TSOL t-shirt and bondage pants). So, with Liz--my surrogate Audrey Hepburn--in tow, we made our way to the show.

And friends, let me say what a show it was. Where should I start? Elizabeth Rose beguiling us with torch songs? With Emcee Bobby Collins trying to learn to smoke a pipe? Or with the hilarious Kitten on the Keys singing rollicking favorites like "Grandma Sells My Panties On E-Bay?" I didn't think it was possible for a woman dressed like Shirley Temple to make my date blush, but let's just say the lyrics to that particular ditty leave nothing to the imagination. Tipper and your mom would not approve. A Christmas theme resounded throughout, with various Santas bringing gifts of whips, cuffs, variable speed "personal massagers" and copies of Playboy...well, at least that's what the girls from Le Rouge got from their Elvis-Santa during "Blue Christmas."

On the subject of personal massagers, you can't beat a Hitachi magic wand, the cadillac of good vibes--I was explaining this very thing to Liz during a lull in the action when it was time for the main attraction: Dita and Catherine in a full-figured strip-off. Oh, did I mention they did it in 5-foot-high martini and champagne glasses? Nothing quite like seeing a girl with a 17-inch waist drench herself with a giant olive and having your date turn to you and say, "This is fun, let's get a martini!" Who was I to deny her?

Can you blame me? By the time Catherine was doing her "Bird In A Gilded Cage" routine Liz was asking me where she could buy giant peacock fans (Like I would know?), if glitter pasties were available at any local outlets. (For the record, most of our dancing darlings make their own outfits.) When Dita did her big finale on a carousel horse (hey, I'm no Freudian...but the girls in the crowd loved it) Liz was demanding we stay late and meet the some starlets.

Being the perfect gentleman, of course I obliged. Dita even signed a copy of Go-Go for us.

So, say it again. Babes and booze. You can have them both. Maybe your date won't want to run off to the costume dock, but you really owe it to yourself to take her to a show. Me? I'm shopping for a 5-foot-high martini glass.